“How many people lose their faith because life shows them too little
but how many people lose their faith because life shows them too much?”
I don`t remember where I read or heard these two sentences so many years ago. I have always had them in my mind. Brought them back into my memory in my darkest hours when everything seemed hopeless. To the point that I questioned myself and started a major search within my soul. Ready to give up life, tired of all the ghosts that kept on haunting me.
Cause how do you pick up the threads of an old life. How do you go on – when in your heart – you begin to understand; there is no going back. There are some things that time cannot heal. Some hurts that go to deep and are there to stay. Become a part of you.
The answer came by itself one night. I was not tired of life. I was afraid of life. Afraid of going on, afraid of facing my ghosts wich I had tried to run away from and pretend never happened. I had lost faith in myself and in life itself. I had lost me.
Something happened inside me that night when I realized this. The warrior wich always had been in me but somehow stumbled and fell along the way, was woken up. I simply refused to be a witness to my own misery. Slowly I worked myself back to the light. Accepting and admitting what had happened. Went through it all in my mind in detail. Flashbacks and forgotten memories nearly drove me insane. There were days I could not get up from bed. Laid there and felt how my nerves curled around my body, threatening to suffocate me and finally reach my ears, screaming out their pain. Until I understood it was me that were screaming.
There is some years ago this happened. My life changed and the hurt, the memories will never fade away. But I have learned to live with it. Acceptance and forgiveness was the key for me. Giving up is never the answer. I got back faith in me and in life.
Later on I have come to talk to different people, come to know some of them – and many of them had a troubles, situations where it has become too much for them. I recognized their pain and started to talk to them. The situation you have been in yourself – you will always get to use the knowledge about it later on. Some came back later and thanked me for saving their lives. The truth is – I did not save them. I supported them and used my own experience and knowledge. They did the work and saved themselves.
I strongly believe we meet the people we are supposed to meet. Have you seen that when one person leaves your life, another person walks in? One door closes and others opens up. When you have nothing more to learn a person and you have nothing more to learn from her/him, the acquaintance fades away. And someone else with the knowledge and wisdome you need walks in. And that person needs the same from you.
It is said that life is a school. It could not be more right. We are each others guiding lights.